Alabama Picnic

While writing an email today, I wanted to acknowledge that I sympathized with how busy the recipient was. Not feeling that I was fully up to Dennis Miller’s level of ease with crafting simile, I looked to Google to supplement my prose.

I queried “busier than a” [must use the quotes] and the result of reading the results pages was a half hour of laughing my ass off at the colorful tradition of our language:

Busier than a one armed paper hanger with a case of the hives
Busier than a one-legged man at an ass-kicking contest
Busier than a French whore on nickel night
Busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor
Busier than a one-legged cat covering his poop on a frozen pond

Then there were some that, while the intent is inherently clear due to the first half of the simile, I just don’t get:

Busier than a pair of jumper cables at an Alabama picnic
Busier than a long-tailed cat in a room full of freemasons
Busier than a smelt run in May

Anyway, run the query. It will crack you up.

Comments

[Me]

If ya don't get the Alabama Picnic one, you must be from Alabama. Just use the word Alabama in place of anywhere you'd say people drive junky cars. Could be a West Virginia Picnic, Mexican Picnic, etc. Freemasons I don't get either, but I've heard it as "a long tailed cat in a room full of rockers" so maybe Freemasons rock? Who knows....but smelt is a fish that "run" that time of year. To use Wikipedia:
"In Michigan and other northern states, "smelt dipping" is a common sport in the early spring months (generally late April in the Upper Peninsula, when the stream water reaches appx. 40 degrees F). Fish are simply spotted using a flashlight (the best smelt dipping is in the middle of the night) and scooped out of the water using a dip net made of nylon or metal mesh."

[Me]

If ya don't get the Alabama Picnic one, you must be from Alabama. Just use the word Alabama in place of anywhere you'd say people drive junky cars. Could be a West Virginia Picnic, Mexican Picnic, etc. Freemasons I don't get either, but I've heard it as "a long tailed cat in a room full of rockers" so maybe Freemasons rock? Who knows....but smelt is a fish that "run" that time of year. To use Wikipedia:
"In Michigan and other northern states, "smelt dipping" is a common sport in the early spring months (generally late April in the Upper Peninsula, when the stream water reaches appx. 40 degrees F). Fish are simply spotted using a flashlight (the best smelt dipping is in the middle of the night) and scooped out of the water using a dip net made of nylon or metal mesh."

[Me]

If ya don't get the Alabama Picnic one, you must be from Alabama. Just use the word Alabama in place of anywhere you'd say people drive junky cars. Could be a West Virginia Picnic, Mexican Picnic, etc. Freemasons I don't get either, but I've heard it as "a long tailed cat in a room full of rockers" so maybe Freemasons rock? Who knows....but smelt is a fish that "run" that time of year. To use Wikipedia:
"In Michigan and other northern states, "smelt dipping" is a common sport in the early spring months (generally late April in the Upper Peninsula, when the stream water reaches appx. 40 degrees F). Fish are simply spotted using a flashlight (the best smelt dipping is in the middle of the night) and scooped out of the water using a dip net made of nylon or metal mesh."

[Me]

If ya don't get the Alabama Picnic one, you must be from Alabama. Just use the word Alabama in place of anywhere you'd say people drive junky cars. Could be a West Virginia Picnic, Mexican Picnic, etc. Freemasons I don't get either, but I've heard it as "a long tailed cat in a room full of rockers" so maybe Freemasons rock? Who knows....but smelt is a fish that "run" that time of year. To use Wikipedia:
"In Michigan and other northern states, "smelt dipping" is a common sport in the early spring months (generally late April in the Upper Peninsula, when the stream water reaches appx. 40 degrees F). Fish are simply spotted using a flashlight (the best smelt dipping is in the middle of the night) and scooped out of the water using a dip net made of nylon or metal mesh."

[Jason]

How 'bout:

Busier than a newborn baby in a tittie bar.

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